Thursday, June 11, 2009

Awful Athlete Tattoos

Chad Johnson Ochocinco recently played a prank on anyone who cares through Twitter by posting pictures of face tattoos he got, including one of the state of Florida (his home state) on his cheek. Then he admitted to them being fake, and just temporary ink.

So in honor of Ochocinco's terrible face ink, and because everyone loves lists (with pictures!), I'm going to take a look at 10 of the most awesomely bad tattoos that athletes sport (see what I did there with the pun? ha!) Anyways, enjoy the list. As usual, if there are any blaring (or not so blaring) omissions, feel free to drop a comment.

10. Let's kick it off with a former No. 1 overall NBA Draft pick: Kenyon Martin. K-Mart, behind his right ear, has a tattoo of a pair of lips. He gave the reason behind the tattoo: it's supposed to be the lips of his girlfriend, and hip hop "star," Trina. This tattoo makes the list because it (kinda) breaks the cardinal rule of tattoos: don't get a woman's name tattooed on you (unless it's family). I'd like to see how Martin explains that tattoo to his grandchildren when he and Trina are no longer together.

9. Oh boy, another Denver Nugget makes the list! This time, I'm going to have to go with Chris Andersen. We all know the story of the "Birdman," but man, does he have some unsightly tats. I could go with that ridiculous chain he has inked around his neck. Or that tacky, psychadelic, crowned skull. Instead I'll go with the wings he has tatted on the inside of his biceps. We get it, you're the Birdman, you don't need to actually have feathers inked on your arms when you flap your 'wings' after a big play.

8. Surprise, surprise. Another NBA baller on the list. These guys always seem to have the most tattoos, or at least they are the most visible because of their league's uniforms. Here we have Stephen Jackson, he of "Malice in the Palace" infamy. Luckily, this tattoo isn't visible when Jackson is on the court, as it's tatter across his upper-abdomen. Anyways, Jackson has got a tattoo of a pair of hands praying. Not so bad, until you mention the glock they are holding.

7. Switching up sports here, I'd like to nominate an NFL player for the seven spot. Vince Young, who is the owner of possibly the greatest single-game performance in NCAA football history, also is the owner of one of the dumbest tattoos in sports. On his back, Young has "V. Young" tattooed. You know, in case his jersey ever gets ripped off during a game, the referees will still know who he is. Maybe it's so reporters recognize him in the locker room when he's not in uniform. Who knows? All I know is that it is a pretty ridiculous tattoo.
6. I just can't stay away from the NBA in this list, so here goes another, ahem, "baller." Marcin Gortat, of the Eastern Conference Champion Orlando Magic, has the Jordan logo inked on his calf. Aside from the fact that he got a brand tatted to his leg, this tattoo is made all the more hilariously awful by the shoe contract he has in place.... with Reebok. The best part has to be that Reebok didn't say anything about it when the conract was initially signed, yet now they want him to cover it up for the NBA Finals.
5. Speaking of get a tattoo of a logo, here is Stephon Marbury sporting his Starbury logo... on his temple. At least this logo is his own, and not someone else's, like Gortat's. Regardless, tattoos like this on your head aren't that cool, even if your brand is more affordable than Jordan brand shoes. Does that mean someone could get this same tattoo for one-tenth the price of Gortat's Jordan logo tattoo?

4. Damn you, David Stern, and all of your tattooed employees (roughly 30 percent!). Oh wait, you mean to tell me this tattoo isn't real? Oh okay, well it's still going to make the list. The 'tattoo' in question is this dandy seen on the back of Cavaliers forward Anderson Varejao. It says, "Chosen 2," in reference to LeBron James' "Chosen 1" tatted across his back. Yeah, I know it's not real, but it deserves to be here anyway because the mere idea of Varejao being anything close to "chosen 2" (if that even makes sense) is laughable, since he's a worse sidekick than his cartoon clone, Sideshow Bob.

3. Here is a classic example of a bad tattoo that involves the sport you play. Mike Bibby, has this basketball, hoop and 'net,' if you can call that a basketball net, tatted on his calf. That is just terrible.

2. I really wanted to make this tattoo the king of the awful, but then I came across a different one, and Mike Tyson's face tattoo was bumped to second on this list. Like I said before, face tattoos don't get style points in my book, and Tyson's tribal design is scary. To his credit though, he was pretty funny in his cameo in "The Hangover."

1. It had to take something epically awful to dethrone Tyson on this list, so I give you MMA fighter, and neo-nazi, Melvin Costa. Costa has a swastika on his chest, which is disgusting. But he also has something inked around his belly button. Yeah.

Honorable Mention: DeShawn Stevenson's is slightly better than Vince Young's. Jason Williams has a constant reminder of his skin color. Reggie Miller's stomach should revoke Miller's right to make fun of Charles Barkley on air. Allen Iverson's "Money Bagz." Jeremy Shockey wants to make you aware of his patriotism.


  1. u should have added in luke waltons tribal people on his arm along with the butterfly on The Game's cheek

  2. Walton's is pretty pathetic too, gotta agree. And last I checked, The Game wasn't an athlete, so he can't make the list.

  3. the game plays bball in charity events

  4. and Chris Tucker plays in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game... doesn't make him an athlete.

  5. dude. you're absolutely clueless with your "worse sidekick than his cartoon clone, Sideshow Bob." comment on Andy. And besides, the tats a joke. It's obvious your shitty little blog has no merit. First and last time Ill be reading this garbage.