Wednesday, November 12, 2008

America: Where a Man Can Be Awarded $1.2 M For Being Hit in the Balls by Ball

What is this world coming to? A Miami-Dade man has been awarded $1.2 million, yes, that's right, 1.2 (Dr. Evil pinky raise) MILLION dollars for being hit in the groin by a baseball at Slugger's batting cages in West Miami.


Let's take a step back and look at this for a second.

For one, he was hit by a 60 MPH pitch. Major League players routinely get hit by pitches in excess of 80 and 90 MPH's, but you don't see them suing the opposing team's pitcher. If that's the case, we would see MLB players in court every week, throwing their salaries back and forth like a game of hot potato.

Second, the man did not go to the hospital until several days later. Again, really? As a man, a shot to the groin does not last that long. How do you really go so long without getting that checked out if the "pain and suffering" was worth $1 million?

Next, should Slugger's really be held responsible for this? The kid didn't have to go back into the cage and pickup the baseballs. But since he did, and got hit, is it really the fault of the batting cage place? Shouldn't the company that makes the pitching machine be held accountable for faulty equipment? The cycle on the machine was complete, and the light on the machine was off.
Could the employee really have seen that one coming? Doubtful. If he could, I'd like him to buy my lottery ticket this week, or at least tell me who's going to play in the BCS title game. You know, save a few weeks of insanity and poll-watching, and maybe do something productive with a Saturday.

Also, is the guy really that soft? I mean, c'mon, if Adam Sandler could take pitching machine-thrown balls head on in Happy Gilmore, don't you think this guy could've withstood one shot without suing the place? Perhaps it was all just a ploy, and he was really training for next season's hockey tryouts. But hockey players are tougher than that.

We're pretty sure Lhyvann Felipe was just training for hockey season, like Happy Gilmore.

Finally, if the guy really wanted some money that badly, he should've just gotten the surveillance tape from the place and sent it into "America's Funniest Home Videos." Nut-shots usually take home the $10K prize weekly, right? Next thing you know, all those people who submit those tapes of "cup-checks" are going to take those videos to court and sue whoever they can try to make accountable for millions.

But hey, that's the beauty of America, right? At least we know where this guy will fall under President-elect Obama's tax plan, eh?


  1. You really enjoy asking questions, don't you?

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Young Lyvhann should have listened to T.O. Check out #5...

  4. Where can I find that batting cage?